Think of every horror movies that had a library in it, not many, so think about the metropolitan library in Ghostbusters, ok maybe too many books and maybe too old. The University library is newer like only 40 year old rather than over a hundred. The stacks are not haphazard, but the disigner/architect built the building in such a way that the stack layout doesn't yield a clear view down the whol of a floor, rather the sight lines are regularly interrupted which make floor sweeping only partially successful. In short, we often miss things and people in the stacks.
At one time fiction was easier to sweep because the books are smaller than non-fiction and you could see through the gaps in the shelves- not 100% but better than it was, that is until some brilliant admin decided that the fiction collection could be condensed by "double shelving" and now there is no gaps between the shelves.
A lot of stuff goes on in the stacks, it often surprises me as I walk them what you are likely to encounter there. There are other places where human mischief or laziness get the better of people but in the stacks it seems to become more concentrated in practice.
What do I mean by this?
Let me give you some examples.
Here are some things that happened to Barney, the oldest surviving guard (by that I mean he had been in the Library the longest- not the most experienced just the longest to make it without get fired or giving up) Anyway this was Barney's favorite story- one which he would tell anytime the staff or Admins or our own superiors were thought to be out of earshot.
"Brainy (actually he had taken to calling me Shakespeare, who knows?), there are ways to let things be and still get the job done." Barney (whose name might have been Wally now that I think of it) leaned over and say and give me that Barney Fife knowing wink.
"Oh?" I said trying to sound enthused "How would one go about that exactly."
Barney then would tap the side of his nose with a long index finger and nod.
"Brainy my young friend, these kids like to have sex in the stacks."
He would wait for a gasp. After a moment I got it and give him the perfunctory gasp.
"Yes, these kids are little horn-dogs. I give them full marks for effort, but if you just get them to have their sex in the stacks away from the common areas- then" Barney spreads his hands and arms wide over the desk and then gave me another Barney wink.
"Then?"
"Then one does not have to interrupt and often it can be watched as long as they aren't too loud or messy."
(Ugh)
"I have seen it work in action, I have."
(and there you have it folks- Library porn.)
"Oh come on." I say and realize we are whispering like conspirators.
"Oh not me per-say." Barney says in a self-declamatory manner. "No, not me but Old Hendricks he told me all about it, where to go and when was the best time-" Barney shoots me a glance "When would you say is the best time to have sex in the stacks?"
It takes a second to figure out that was actually a question for me. I shrug and say something about 1AM and wonder why I am doing so.
"Oh no, not that late." Heh heh- he laughs gruffly "right after lunch." he waits
I roll my eyes and give myself another mental head slap and curse Woodchuck for giving me this shift with Barney.
"Why after lunch?" I drawl out dreading the answer.
"Because-" Barney pauses and gives me his considering look (which let me say looks like a suspicious Arnold at his poor brother Willis from Different Strokes) "Well Hendricks said that was when most of the Library staff became the most docile and stopped moving around in the stacks until 3-ish."
I bet Barney here has tested this theory time and time again. Now that I think of it, Barney almost always works first shift and never takes lunch at 12. Why me?
"Hendricks said the best place was in Nonfiction on fifth floor near the maintenance rooms cuase it has the worst sight lines in the building. Good for them."
I wonder who "them" are supposed to be.
"Them horny kids I tell ya." Barney says.
Dumb me had to ask that out loud.
"Now don't go spreading that around, and ruin a good thing." He glances at his watch, stands up and straightens his over loaded equipment belt and gives me the sly wink.
"I got to go make my rounds."
I glance at the clock on the wall.12;50pm.
Of course...
At one time fiction was easier to sweep because the books are smaller than non-fiction and you could see through the gaps in the shelves- not 100% but better than it was, that is until some brilliant admin decided that the fiction collection could be condensed by "double shelving" and now there is no gaps between the shelves.
A lot of stuff goes on in the stacks, it often surprises me as I walk them what you are likely to encounter there. There are other places where human mischief or laziness get the better of people but in the stacks it seems to become more concentrated in practice.
What do I mean by this?
Let me give you some examples.
Here are some things that happened to Barney, the oldest surviving guard (by that I mean he had been in the Library the longest- not the most experienced just the longest to make it without get fired or giving up) Anyway this was Barney's favorite story- one which he would tell anytime the staff or Admins or our own superiors were thought to be out of earshot.
"Brainy (actually he had taken to calling me Shakespeare, who knows?), there are ways to let things be and still get the job done." Barney (whose name might have been Wally now that I think of it) leaned over and say and give me that Barney Fife knowing wink.
"Oh?" I said trying to sound enthused "How would one go about that exactly."
Barney then would tap the side of his nose with a long index finger and nod.
"Brainy my young friend, these kids like to have sex in the stacks."
He would wait for a gasp. After a moment I got it and give him the perfunctory gasp.
"Yes, these kids are little horn-dogs. I give them full marks for effort, but if you just get them to have their sex in the stacks away from the common areas- then" Barney spreads his hands and arms wide over the desk and then gave me another Barney wink.
"Then?"
"Then one does not have to interrupt and often it can be watched as long as they aren't too loud or messy."
(Ugh)
"I have seen it work in action, I have."
(and there you have it folks- Library porn.)
"Oh come on." I say and realize we are whispering like conspirators.
"Oh not me per-say." Barney says in a self-declamatory manner. "No, not me but Old Hendricks he told me all about it, where to go and when was the best time-" Barney shoots me a glance "When would you say is the best time to have sex in the stacks?"
It takes a second to figure out that was actually a question for me. I shrug and say something about 1AM and wonder why I am doing so.
"Oh no, not that late." Heh heh- he laughs gruffly "right after lunch." he waits
I roll my eyes and give myself another mental head slap and curse Woodchuck for giving me this shift with Barney.
"Why after lunch?" I drawl out dreading the answer.
"Because-" Barney pauses and gives me his considering look (which let me say looks like a suspicious Arnold at his poor brother Willis from Different Strokes) "Well Hendricks said that was when most of the Library staff became the most docile and stopped moving around in the stacks until 3-ish."
I bet Barney here has tested this theory time and time again. Now that I think of it, Barney almost always works first shift and never takes lunch at 12. Why me?
"Hendricks said the best place was in Nonfiction on fifth floor near the maintenance rooms cuase it has the worst sight lines in the building. Good for them."
I wonder who "them" are supposed to be.
"Them horny kids I tell ya." Barney says.
Dumb me had to ask that out loud.
"Now don't go spreading that around, and ruin a good thing." He glances at his watch, stands up and straightens his over loaded equipment belt and gives me the sly wink.
"I got to go make my rounds."
I glance at the clock on the wall.12;50pm.
Of course...
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