There are things most Libraries never admit to in the light of day, that haunt the shadows in the Stacks. There are stories and tales that scare the bejeezers out of rookies. Nut this one takes all the prizes. I won't tell the whole story, but I will give you the story of the Mad Shitter in three parts- because I can.
Part of this story starts with Hervey, Our heavy hitter Security Guard- our self appointed Master Sergeant of the Library Guards.
Hervey is a pretty big guy and can throw his weight around. He wanted to be career military but threw out his back as he was throwing out the garbage. (some of that was true- but again I ain't sayin' which) Hervey- if you are reading this, don't come over and do some chirpo-kunfu on me!
Anyway, Hervey (I like the name dammit) could take care of himself- they typically did not make you a library guard if you couldn't hold your ground against thre homeless guys and a rusty steak knife. Hervey was believed to have carved up some steak with that rusty knife, but I digress
Ok, here is the setup.
Hervey has the graveyard shift at the Library- that means he works from 11 to 7am and it is just him, a handful of die hard students. 1 or two unlucky library staff memebers who pull this duty and Hervey. The first time I met him in fact was on a call trying to catch the "Mad Shitter" in the act.
Since the "real" University cops had better things to do, they rounded us up from our many scattered posts and brought us to perform a footrace through the stacks after the ever elusive almost mythical Mad Shitter.
Now I know what you are asking yourself and probably your spouse what the hell does he mean by "Mad Shitter." Well let me tell you my friend and those of you who aren't friends with me or even friendly. It does not mean that he got mad when he went to the bathroom,.
I walk into the main bathroom on the main floor not 20 feet from the Security Desk and let out a whistle as the scene of carnage surrounds me with the smell of feces (and by that I mean shit). The Mad Shitter "takes a dump" as Sgt Yolks points out as he stares in amazement. Anyway, this translates as he takes a massive bowel movement in the middle of the bathroom floor and then picks up the feces and smears it across as much of the surface area of the bathroom as he can make it go. Then as a finishing touch, sticks as much toilet paper and paper towels into clumps of it as he can manage, no rhyme or reason to any of it.
And there you have it. The man of feces is completely nuts and yet he can slip through our nets we have set to catch him.
Part of this story starts with Hervey, Our heavy hitter Security Guard- our self appointed Master Sergeant of the Library Guards.
Hervey is a pretty big guy and can throw his weight around. He wanted to be career military but threw out his back as he was throwing out the garbage. (some of that was true- but again I ain't sayin' which) Hervey- if you are reading this, don't come over and do some chirpo-kunfu on me!
Anyway, Hervey (I like the name dammit) could take care of himself- they typically did not make you a library guard if you couldn't hold your ground against thre homeless guys and a rusty steak knife. Hervey was believed to have carved up some steak with that rusty knife, but I digress
Ok, here is the setup.
Hervey has the graveyard shift at the Library- that means he works from 11 to 7am and it is just him, a handful of die hard students. 1 or two unlucky library staff memebers who pull this duty and Hervey. The first time I met him in fact was on a call trying to catch the "Mad Shitter" in the act.
Since the "real" University cops had better things to do, they rounded us up from our many scattered posts and brought us to perform a footrace through the stacks after the ever elusive almost mythical Mad Shitter.
Now I know what you are asking yourself and probably your spouse what the hell does he mean by "Mad Shitter." Well let me tell you my friend and those of you who aren't friends with me or even friendly. It does not mean that he got mad when he went to the bathroom,.
I walk into the main bathroom on the main floor not 20 feet from the Security Desk and let out a whistle as the scene of carnage surrounds me with the smell of feces (and by that I mean shit). The Mad Shitter "takes a dump" as Sgt Yolks points out as he stares in amazement. Anyway, this translates as he takes a massive bowel movement in the middle of the bathroom floor and then picks up the feces and smears it across as much of the surface area of the bathroom as he can make it go. Then as a finishing touch, sticks as much toilet paper and paper towels into clumps of it as he can manage, no rhyme or reason to any of it.
And there you have it. The man of feces is completely nuts and yet he can slip through our nets we have set to catch him.
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