There are 2 lives for security smurfs- I mean guards.
1. Outside Smurf. This is graveyard shifting at its worst. Let me paint this picture for you. The Lieutenant or the Police Chief in their infinite wisdom hatched this genius plan. Let's hire a bunch of fairly reliable people to come into work at 11pm. Meet in the Briefing room for 30 minutes then be given a wad of keys, allen keys and assorted instruments for unlocking doors, then get sent out to various areas around a given (and thus unnamed University campus) and lock them in a building where they must occupy their time for say 6 and half hours- staying out of trouble and sight preferably until they are to start unlocking doors around 5am. They will then work for around 1 1/2 hours unlocking main doors to all the buildings in their zone. Walking around in the dark and twilight armed only with a wad of keys and such, a "brick" (or rather a 900mhz radio from 1972 about the size on a long piece of clay weighing in about the same as that peice of ceramic and about as reliable) and their wits. No nightstick, no flashlight above a pen light, no pepper spray, no mace, and no gun (definitely no guns). About 20 minutes before 7am, the outside smurfs are expected to make their way back to the station to turn in the wad of keys and such and clock out for the day. Thus we cover the life of the Outside Smurf or Unarmed Security Guard.
2. Inside Smurf. This gaurd has multiple shifts he or in the extremely rare case she can work. The Inside Smurf is assigned to a designated spot on the Campus. We report to the Station but generally don't go to roll call. In fact, most outside smurfs don't even realize we inside smurfs exist. Now I will have to quit refering to us as smurfs since I porbably passed the legal limits on smurfing for this post. There are the Library Guards, about 6 of us total 2 for day and 2 for evening and 1 for graveyard. Then there is the UC (university central) Gaurd. The President's house is the president is not in residence Gaurd or the PHITPINRG or as the library guards refer to him, "the Pitpig." He actually is a floating guard who gets assigned around to watching various properties owned by the university. He only landed the President's house which is in one of the more influential neighborhoods in the city I am not naming for fear that the Smurf masters will hunt me down, because the Universities last 4 president's reject the Southern Manor appeal of the Presidents house and wanted something non-antebellum instead. The University Museum has its own guards but as far as I know they aren't smurfs and get paid more than us and dress diferently. In short we don't associate with them.
There is a subspecies of Smurfs here with us, who seldom get mentioned but when it comes to the University cops they often get bunched in with us. On official days this subspecies even get to dress like the rest of the smurfs. These are, of course, the lowest of the low in just about every aspect. I mean they are the University ticket writers. Students, faculty and just about everyone else hate them. I hated them before I became a Smurf. They are underpaid, underworked, underqualified, underpleasant, underhumored, and sly as foxes when its a car and it can be called into doubt whether it's supposed to be there or not. You can hate them, you can mock them but you do your best to avoid them. They lurk around every building, down every street and in some alleys. Yes I have seen them in the alleys. Truth is they are just unfortunate not to matter enough to the University to even get paid minimum wage- most of them don't even get paid part time. That is until a big event like FOOTBALL comes around. Then they get noticed.
The big equalizer in our line of work is Sporting events like FOOTBALL. Though basketball does get some attention but not as much as FOOTBALL. other events that rank are concerts, tractor pulls, truck shows and Wrassling.
yes Wrassling, you can't live around here and call it wrestling. What equalizes things for the most part- is that it is a all hands on deck activity. Gaurds, Ticket Writers and Cops stand shoulder to shoulder in dealing the waves of human beings that flood the campus during these events. We don't get paid the same necessarily and we still aren't given guns but we get paid MORE. Even the University Cops can't strut much as the Chief calls in the locals and staties on these events. You never know who you may end up with to work with. It could be school division, county, city, university or state police. The only guys who will not work with anyone are the highway patrol guys- everyone says it's because they are stuck up. But who cares, to me the only thing that matters is we Smur- Security guards get a teeny weeny bit more authority and TIME AND A HALF which is better than what we usually get.
Also we get the illusion we cops are all on the same team.
1. Outside Smurf. This is graveyard shifting at its worst. Let me paint this picture for you. The Lieutenant or the Police Chief in their infinite wisdom hatched this genius plan. Let's hire a bunch of fairly reliable people to come into work at 11pm. Meet in the Briefing room for 30 minutes then be given a wad of keys, allen keys and assorted instruments for unlocking doors, then get sent out to various areas around a given (and thus unnamed University campus) and lock them in a building where they must occupy their time for say 6 and half hours- staying out of trouble and sight preferably until they are to start unlocking doors around 5am. They will then work for around 1 1/2 hours unlocking main doors to all the buildings in their zone. Walking around in the dark and twilight armed only with a wad of keys and such, a "brick" (or rather a 900mhz radio from 1972 about the size on a long piece of clay weighing in about the same as that peice of ceramic and about as reliable) and their wits. No nightstick, no flashlight above a pen light, no pepper spray, no mace, and no gun (definitely no guns). About 20 minutes before 7am, the outside smurfs are expected to make their way back to the station to turn in the wad of keys and such and clock out for the day. Thus we cover the life of the Outside Smurf or Unarmed Security Guard.
2. Inside Smurf. This gaurd has multiple shifts he or in the extremely rare case she can work. The Inside Smurf is assigned to a designated spot on the Campus. We report to the Station but generally don't go to roll call. In fact, most outside smurfs don't even realize we inside smurfs exist. Now I will have to quit refering to us as smurfs since I porbably passed the legal limits on smurfing for this post. There are the Library Guards, about 6 of us total 2 for day and 2 for evening and 1 for graveyard. Then there is the UC (university central) Gaurd. The President's house is the president is not in residence Gaurd or the PHITPINRG or as the library guards refer to him, "the Pitpig." He actually is a floating guard who gets assigned around to watching various properties owned by the university. He only landed the President's house which is in one of the more influential neighborhoods in the city I am not naming for fear that the Smurf masters will hunt me down, because the Universities last 4 president's reject the Southern Manor appeal of the Presidents house and wanted something non-antebellum instead. The University Museum has its own guards but as far as I know they aren't smurfs and get paid more than us and dress diferently. In short we don't associate with them.
There is a subspecies of Smurfs here with us, who seldom get mentioned but when it comes to the University cops they often get bunched in with us. On official days this subspecies even get to dress like the rest of the smurfs. These are, of course, the lowest of the low in just about every aspect. I mean they are the University ticket writers. Students, faculty and just about everyone else hate them. I hated them before I became a Smurf. They are underpaid, underworked, underqualified, underpleasant, underhumored, and sly as foxes when its a car and it can be called into doubt whether it's supposed to be there or not. You can hate them, you can mock them but you do your best to avoid them. They lurk around every building, down every street and in some alleys. Yes I have seen them in the alleys. Truth is they are just unfortunate not to matter enough to the University to even get paid minimum wage- most of them don't even get paid part time. That is until a big event like FOOTBALL comes around. Then they get noticed.
The big equalizer in our line of work is Sporting events like FOOTBALL. Though basketball does get some attention but not as much as FOOTBALL. other events that rank are concerts, tractor pulls, truck shows and Wrassling.
yes Wrassling, you can't live around here and call it wrestling. What equalizes things for the most part- is that it is a all hands on deck activity. Gaurds, Ticket Writers and Cops stand shoulder to shoulder in dealing the waves of human beings that flood the campus during these events. We don't get paid the same necessarily and we still aren't given guns but we get paid MORE. Even the University Cops can't strut much as the Chief calls in the locals and staties on these events. You never know who you may end up with to work with. It could be school division, county, city, university or state police. The only guys who will not work with anyone are the highway patrol guys- everyone says it's because they are stuck up. But who cares, to me the only thing that matters is we Smur- Security guards get a teeny weeny bit more authority and TIME AND A HALF which is better than what we usually get.
Also we get the illusion we cops are all on the same team.
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