Life

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I don't want to talk about it part 2

I hit the floor at a dead run.
As I clear each section, I radio Butter and yell "Clear!"
He responds with "Roger"
The Mad Shitter is not here.
"Floor is Clear, over?" I say back at the stairwell.

"Shit." is all I hear Butter say and then the radio goes dead.

I take six deep gulps of air and jog up to the penthouse.

What I find is Butter half buried in books clutching a sweater that I can tell is not his own.

What's more, judging from the smell, Butter is probably wishing he had not grabbed it in the first place.

I jog over to him and look down at his green face.

He stares at the ceiling for a while and then says.

"Tell me again, why I have this job."

I look down at him and grin.

"To meet all the ladies." We say together.

Just then Hervey comes running up. 4 hours early for his shift.

"What did I miss?"

I shrug and then we pull Butter out of the pile of books.

After Butter is upright and we stand looking down at the carnage. Hervey looks at me and then Butter and shrugs

"So?" Hervey says.

"I don't want to talk about it." Butter says and hands Hervey the sweater.

Just then several librarians arrive and join us to consider the disaster area.

"What's that smell?" One of them asks.

"What smell?" I say as Hervey begins to look green.

Butter says: "I think I need an ambulance or a shower."

"I think we all need a beer." I say.

"Coffee it is then." Hervey says crossing to a trashcan and bags the sweater in the liner.

I don't want to talk about it.(part 1)

Shift start. 2pm.
Walk floors.
Scratch that.
"Dispatch! This is badge 36, I have a 10-58, 3rd floor Umain Building."
"Badge 36. Why are you yelling?"
"In pursuit." heavy breathing. "Drunk and Disorderly!"
"Badge 36-" laughter in background "Keep it down, repeat 10 code."
"Fu-" radio cuts out.
Butter scoops up my radio from where I lost it jumping discarded books, an overturned book cart. A pretty co-ed in tight pink sweater. Those breasts pressing tight up against them.
"Brainy!" I run smack into Frank the librarian and we go down in a heap.
Butter runs by.
"Daymn!" he drawls at the two of us.
"Sorry Frank." I say as I get up and take one more look at the laughing Co-ed who then flips me off.
No love for smurfs.
I pivot and take up pursuit.
I catch up to Butter at the rear stairs behind the 1034 stacks.
"He went up." Butter says, then hand me the lost radio which is squawking.
"Would you?" I say half collapsing against a wall. I used to think I was up for this kind of abuse.
"No Prob. Dispatch this is Badge 39. We are in pursuit of a-"
"10-58"
"10-58- can we get some backup?"
"Badge 39, where is badge 36?"
"He's with me."
"Okay, take a 10-22 (muffled can I say that?)'
New Dispatchers.
The problem with 10 codes is that most of us waste more time looking them up then doing our jobs. new dispatchers are the worst.
"Sit tight girls, the cavalry is coming."
and that would be the cop we affectionately call Bill the troll.
He's one of those cops who refers to us smurfs as "Walking Targets" and thinks he's the best cop that ever lived. Which he is not, he's just another University cop who takes himself way to seriously.
"10-4." Butter responds.
"Are we actually going to wait?"
"Fuck no." Butter laughs. "This guy is not getting away this time."
"I will take the next floor."
"And I will check the Penthouse."
The Penthouse is where the Ogre and his staff reside- safely behind lockable doors that are almost always locked, but there are several grad and staff library stacks there adjacent to the offices.
"up we go!

The trouble with....

"Why are you grinning like that."
Butter wriggles his eyebrows. It's unnerving.
Women think it's cute- they should know better.
"Our man Hervey caught the Mad Shitter."

"No way."

"Well, almost." Butter sighs.

"Do I really need to know the details?"

Butter puffs out a sigh, look at the ceiling and then crosses his arms as he leans back in his chair.
We're at the security desk.

"Probably not, but I figured you might want to know before you see Hervey tonight."

"What are you not telling me?"
Yep, I am dreading the answer.

"Well, Hervey can probably tell it better than me." Butter grins again and chuckles.

I consider hitting him with my nightstick then remember I don't have one.

"But!" Butter continues before I can locate another weapon. "Word is he came back to base this morning covered in pooh."

"Pooh?"

"No shit." The grin is back and I know that tonight is going to be hell.

So anyway...some things never change

(some notes from the author)
Guys, what can I say- a year and a half later, and I come back from what was supposed to be a month's hiatus. The world turned and my life got a helluva lot more interesting but I am back and will try (and I mean try) to update Life... at least twice a month.
If you have been here before then you are on the inside of the joke. If this is your first time and are ready for some screaming. I have a Deadpool picture for you.

Get over it, it only took me 14 years to.

stepping back in time to 14 years ago....

"So, what did I miss?"

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Well, not at the beginning."

Butter has a shit-eating grin.

"In that case-"

The Smurfs go on holiday

Yes,, the  Smurfs at the University are taking a brief hiatus  until July. Thanks  for reading!

The costs of free internet

Here in the library, the university provides free internet for anyone to come and use it. The idea was actually not for anyone actually. It was for the students and professors. The rest of us staff and employees have work to do. But no one told the homeless and jobless this. So they think it is just for them.
Its weird to watch them show up in the mornings- when I am here on early shift- and queue for access to the reference rooms and other public PC areas. The students tolerate their intrusion with thin masks of shock, fear and disgust. They can afford to since there are labs just for them to use- you have to have a student I.D. to get into those areas. An additional plus is that those ares are- in fact- far away from reference.
The reference people try to act like it doesn't matter who uses the computers to surf the net- but because they have painted themselves into a corner with it, they are stuck.
So what is the problem with 20 to 30 homeless/unemployed and might as well be homeless people using these computers?
In a word.
Porn.
The homeless have discovered what the rest of us geeks have known for years. The best thing about the internet is free or almost free porn. (Only idiots pay for it). If someone know where or how to look, one can find tons and tons of free porn on the internet. The Homeless know this and are only to eager to share their knowledge. This group of homeless/jobless are almost to a man, men 20 to 30 something, mostly white, thin to moderately overweight and mostly white. They are largely unwashed and smell about 1 to 2 shades better than Cesspool.

Reference decided in their infinite wisdom (about a coke can full anyway) that their internet would not be censored or restricted just in case of a professor or student who needed to research some area that would trip across pornography.So the Homeless have a free ticket to endless porn surfing in the reference rooms during business hours.

Got to love a bunch of librarians protecting freedom of speech and their own access to porn.